What’s a 15-Minute Consult with Bob Like? (And Why It’s the First Step)
By Bob Manthy
Most people who’d benefit from a divorce-recovery program never actually walk into one.
It’s rarely the program itself. It’s almost always the gap between, the space between deciding I might need this and actually showing up. That gap is where most healing intentions die.
So a few years back I added something to the front end of the program that’s quietly changed who comes through the door. It’s a 15-minute video call with me (Zoom or Google Meet, your choice) before any commitment, any payment, any group experience.
Almost everyone who attends an intro workshop has already done one. Most cohort members started with one. It’s the front door of the program, and the door is wider than people expect.
Let me tell you what it actually is, what it isn’t, and what to expect if you book one.
What a 15-minute consult is
It’s a real conversation between you and me, on video, lasting about fifteen minutes. No one else is on the call. There’s no script. There’s no agenda I’m holding to.
I open with: Tell me where you are. You tell me, as much or as little as you want. Your situation, what you’ve been through, what’s been hardest, what you’re hoping for. I listen.
I ask follow-up questions when something needs unpacking. I share a little about how the program works, what a 10-week cohort looks like, what people typically get out of it. I answer whatever you want to ask.
Toward the end, if it’s a fit, I’ll mention the next intro workshop date. If you’re interested, you put it on your calendar. If you’re not, we end warmly and you go on with your day. Either ending is fine.
That’s the call. Real, short, one-on-one, low-pressure.
What it isn’t
I want to name what it isn’t, because misconceptions about this kind of call keep people from booking.
It isn’t therapy. I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor, but the 15-minute consult isn’t a clinical session. I’m not going to diagnose you, run an intake form, or do any clinical work on the call. If you need therapy, I’ll happily say so and we’ll talk about whether the cohort works alongside therapy (it usually does. See Therapy and Rebuilding together).
It isn’t a sales pitch. I’m not going to walk you through a slide deck. I’m not going to ask you to commit to anything during the call. I won’t follow up with high-pressure emails. I won’t add you to a marketing list that bombards your inbox. The consult is what it says it is: fifteen minutes of conversation about your situation.
It isn’t a screening you can fail. I’m not deciding whether you’re “good enough” for the program. I’m gauging fit, for both of us. The cohort works best when both of us think it’s the right room for you in this season. If we conclude together that it isn’t, that’s a successful consult. Nobody walks out of these calls feeling they’ve been rejected.
It isn’t a commitment to anything. Booking the call doesn’t commit you to attending the intro workshop. Attending the intro workshop doesn’t commit you to joining the cohort. Each step is its own decision, made on your timeline.
Why I do it this way
A few reasons, all of them practical.
Program quality is higher when both sides have screened for fit. When someone walks into a Rebuilding cohort having never met me, never seen the program described in conversation, never had a chance to ask their specific questions. They often spend the first two or three Sundays still wondering if they made the right choice. The consult removes most of that uncertainty before week one. People who’ve done a consult walk into the cohort already partly trusting the room, because they’ve already met the person facilitating it.
The intro workshop is more useful with the call already done. Most consult-doers come to the next monthly intro workshop, where I lay out the program for a small group. They arrive having already done the one-on-one introduction; the workshop becomes about seeing the program in motion rather than figuring out who Bob is. That sequence, consult first, then workshop, is what we’ve evolved over years.
It surfaces fit issues early. Sometimes after a fifteen-minute call I’ll say you might benefit more from [a different kind of support] right now, let’s revisit when you’re a little further along. Or you sound like you’re ready, here’s the next intro workshop date. Both outcomes are useful. The call is the cheapest way to figure out which one fits.
It removes the cold-room problem. Walking into any group cold, not knowing the leader, not knowing the framework, not knowing what’s expected, is itself a barrier to healing. The consult means nobody walks into a Rebuilding room cold. That principle alone has changed who completes the program.
What to bring to the call
You don’t need to prepare anything. The consult works fine if you arrive having done nothing but click the link.
But if you’d like to get more out of it, here are the things that help.
An honest sense of where you are. Not a polished version. Not the version you tell coworkers. The actual version. What’s been hardest. What you’ve been afraid of. What you’re hoping for. The more honest you can be in fifteen minutes, the more useful the call is.
Your specific questions. Anything you’ve been wondering, logistics, cost, the small-group format, the homework, whether someone like you’d fit in the cohort. Bring the questions. I’ll answer them honestly.
A quiet space. Fifteen minutes of focused conversation requires a quiet room and a stable internet connection. If you’re driving, put it on a different time. If the kids are home, find a corner where they’re not. The call’s worth doing well or not at all.
Realistic expectations of the call’s scope. Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes. We won’t solve anything substantive in that time, solving things is what the cohort does over ten weeks. The consult is for fit-finding, not for fixing.
What I ask in the call
A few questions tend to come up in most consults, so you can think about them ahead of time if you want.
“Tell me where you are.” Open-ended. Wherever you start is the right place. Most people start with the practical situation, separated for X months, divorce final last year, etc., and the emotional underneath comes out as we talk.
“What’s been hardest?” This is the question that usually opens the real conversation. It’s not the legal logistics, it’s not the financial pressure, it’s not the kids’ schedules. It’s the under-thing. The 2 a.m. thing. Loss of friends. Loss of who-I-thought-I-was. Loss of the future I’d built in my head.
“What kind of support have you had so far?” Therapy, friends, family, faith community, prior groups. Not a quiz, context. Helps me understand where the cohort would fit in your overall scaffolding.
“What are you hoping the cohort would give you?” Some answers are practical (community, structure, framework). Some are emotional (to feel less alone, to climb out of a loop, to figure out who I’m becoming). Both are useful. Both are real.
“What’s holding you back from saying yes?” This is the most useful question, and the one most people don’t expect. Cost. Schedule. Fear of group settings. Worry about whether you’re ready. Whatever the brake is, name it. The call is the place to figure out whether it’s a real obstacle or just the cultural pressure of being someone who walks through doors.
What happens after the call
Three things, in roughly this order.
You think about it. Most people don’t decide on the call itself. They take a couple of weeks. That’s exactly right. The call gives you the data; the decision happens after the data settles.
You attend a monthly intro workshop, if you want to. Two hours, in person, with me and a small group of other potential cohort members. You see the program in motion, ask the questions you didn’t ask on the call, meet other people considering the same step. No pressure to sign up that night.
You decide about the next 10-week class. If after the workshop the program feels like the right next step, you sign up for the next cohort. If it doesn’t, you don’t. Either is a fine outcome. After every intro workshop, I tell the room: if you want to come to the next 10-week class, great. If not, I’m still glad you came. There’s no pressure here.
Some people do the consult and then take six months before booking a workshop. Some do the workshop and skip the immediate next cohort and join one nine months later. The funnel doesn’t have a clock on it. You decide on your own timeline.
What if I’m too nervous to book the call?
I get this one, often.
If the idea of a one-on-one video call with me feels like a hurdle, try framing it this way: the call is the smallest possible step you can take. It’s fifteen minutes. It costs nothing. It commits you to nothing. It can be ended early if you decide it’s not for you. It’s not a public exposure or a group experience.
If video specifically is the friction, email me first at [email protected] and we can do an email exchange that lowers the heat. I’d rather meet you over email than not meet you at all.
If the friction is something else, I don’t know what to say, I’ll cry, I’ll freeze, I’ll waste your time, please book anyway. None of those things are problems. People cry on these calls. People freeze. People say very little and learn a lot from listening to me describe the program. None of that’s wasting time. You belong here, precisely as you are at this moment.
Three small things you can do this week
Book the call. Schedule a 15-minute video consult, Zoom or Google Meet, no cost, no commitment. The hardest part is clicking the link.
Read more answers. Frequently Asked Questions covers what people ask me at the door, including the consult question in shorter form.
Write me an email. If you’re not ready for video, [email protected]. Tell me where you are in three sentences. We’ll go from there.
The door is wider than you think. Just show up, whatever the smallest step is.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to schedule the call?
Usually within a week, sometimes within a few days, depending on my schedule. If you’re in acute crisis and need a faster conversation, mention that in your booking note and I’ll prioritize.
What if 15 minutes isn’t enough time?
It usually is. If we hit the end of fifteen and there’s clearly more to talk about, I’ll ask if you want to extend a bit or schedule a follow-up. Most consults wrap naturally inside fifteen.
Will I get a follow-up email after the call?
A short one, with the next intro workshop date and any logistics we discussed. Not a marketing sequence. One email, then it’s your move.
Can I bring a friend or family member to the call?
The first call is one-on-one. If a friend who’s interested wants their own consult, they can book separately. Trying to do two consults at once usually means neither person gets what they need.